Living on the edge of the blanket

I said I would never blog. I also said I would never get a tattoo, go fishing, camp or have children.  I’ve succumbed to 2 of those, so it’s time to do this.

I’m hoping it will help me blow off some steam and save some tears about my battle with narcolepsy. It’s sure to uncover some humor to help me live with this charming, misunderstood and frustrating disorder. Most importantly, it will save my friends from having to hear my latest “tales from the edge of the blanket.”

“Kathleen! How are you?”
“Read my blog.”

I found my way to blogland because yesterday I lost my job. Another job. Because of my condition called Narcolepsy. The Social Security Disability office says I am fine to work and has denied my disability claim. Apparently they have chosen to ignore the stack of pink slips I have collected. I have chosen to ignore the limitations and the stigma of this odd disorder. But, once again I find myself waking up from a nightmare. (Don’t worry, the jokes will get better, I promise.)  More on “Kathleen’s view of Narcolepsy” coming in the next post.

In the meantime, please write a punchline for “How many narcoleptics does it take to change a lightbulb?” Kudos and prizes to the best ones!

Blown Away

Today begins a great experiment and test of my fortitude and my meds. Two and a half years ago when I took training to be a First Notice of Loss Representative for Catastrophe Management Services, it seemed plausible that I would be able to work 12 hours a day for 14 days straight.  But, as my narcolepsy worsened, the chance of me getting deployed to work for CMS at the Allstate Office in Hudson became more remote.  When I received a call from CMS human resources last year to see if I wanted to stay on the roll, I said yes — but again, no calls came through.

I had forgotten all about CMS. And then it happened. I received a call Thursday asking me to come in for a refresher training course on Saturday, and then be prepared to work for the 14 days following that to handle incoming claims calls in the wake of Hurricane Irene. Hmmmm. Maybe it could work…

- I could choose from a 8am-8pm or 10am-10pm shift, giving me some time to check in with my writing clients and do some work each morning.

- I would get an hour lunch plus a half-hour break in the morning and again in the afternoon.

- There had to be a lactation station or a bathroom stall where I could sleep. Or my car.  Heck if I get sleepy enough, I can sleep standing up.

- And, $20 an hour plus overtime and holiday pay was speaking very loudly.

- And, I looked my narcolepsy medication right in the eyes and made it promise not to let me down.

We were released at 5:00  on Day One. Training went well, with a witty and warm trainer named Sheila. I handled my test calls with no problem. We’ll see how I do tomorrow when real people call! It’s now 8:20 pm… and I’m… fading…

… to be continued

Things that keep me up at night

My new theory, a revelation of sorts, is that men lead with one of three organs.

The ones who lead with their hearts have decided they are already in love before the first date. They tend to be needy, and in most cases, a bit psychotic, and have lots of baggage.

The ones who lead with their penises — such as Mr 20 Dirty Questions — are in it for sex only. Even if they say otherwise, even swear they are looking for a long-term relationship, their motivation stays below the belt. These guys start talking about sex, make innuendoes and ask very personal questions before the first meeting. If you sleep with them on the first date, the relationship either ends there or gets so superficial that it just burns out. If you don’t sleep with them on the first date, they find a reason unrelated to sex to get pissed off and not call back.

The ones who lead with their heads are the ones I want. But they either move so slowly insisting on becoming pen pals or talk themselves out of ever meeting

I need to find a guy with alternative body parts.

How do you say “adapt”

In the past few weeks my narcolepsy symptoms have suddenly become exponentially worse. I am not sure why, but I have thought of a coping mechanism. I am going to start speaking with a French accent. When brain fog comes on and I can’t think of a word, I can do that pouty thing Heidi Klum does… “I want to find … mmmm…how do you say…” That will buy me time until my brain kicks back in, or someone helps me out by suggesting a word. I think this might just be either…mmmm…how do you say…brilliant. Or damn annoying.

A Snoozer of a Film Festival

Courtesy of www.IMDB.com

Popular Titles (Displaying 3 Results)

	1.	The Big Sleep (1946)  aka “The Big Sleep”
	2.	The Science of Sleep (2006)  aka “La science des rêves” - France (original title) aka “The Science of Sleep” – (English title), UK, USA, Finland, Sweden (imdb display title)
	3.	Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)  aka “Sleep No More”

Titles (Partial Matches) (Displaying 255 Results)

	1.	The Bad Sleep Well (1960)  aka “Warui yatsu hodo yoku nemuru” - Japan (original title) aka “The Bad Sleep Well” – (English title) aka “The Worse You Are, the Better You Sleep” – Japan (informal literal English title)
	2.	Close Your Eyes (2002)  aka “Doctor Sleep” - UK (original title) aka “Hypnotic” – International (English title) aka “Doctor Sleep”
	3.	I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (2003)  aka “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” – Italy (DVD title)
	4.	I Was a Male War Bride (1949)  aka “Howard Hawks’ I Was a Male War Bride” – USA (complete title) aka “You Can’t Sleep Here” – UK
	5.	Sleep Dealer (2008)  aka “Sleep dealer – Álom-gyár” – Hungary (imdb display title) aka “Sleep Dealer”
	6.	Sleepless (2001)  aka “Non ho sonno” - Italy (original title) aka “I Can’t Sleep” – (promotional title)
	7.	Schlafes Bruder (1995)  aka “Brother of Sleep”
	8.	Chasing Sleep (2000)  aka “Rem” – Japan (English title) aka “Chasing Sleep”
	9.	I Don’t Want to Sleep Alone (2006)  aka “Hei yan quan” - Malaysia (original title) aka “I Don’t Want to Sleep Alone” – (English title)
	10.	To Sleep with Anger (1990)  aka “To Sleep with Anger”
	11.	Don’t Bother to Knock (1952)  aka “Night Without Sleep” – USA (working title)
	12.	Sleep with Me (1994)  aka “Sleep with Me” – Finland, France aka “Sleep with Me – Liebe zu dritt” – Germany
	13.	The Big Sleep (1978)  aka “The big sleep – Den stora sömnen” – Sweden aka “The Big Sleep”
	14.	J’ai pas sommeil (1994)  aka “I Can’t Sleep”
	15.	Nice Guys Sleep Alone (1999)  aka “Nice Guys Sleep Alone”
	16.	The Sleep Room (1998)  aka “The Sleep Room”
	17.	No Sleep ’til Madison (2002)  aka “No Sleep ’til Madison”
	18.	Snivaj, zlato moje (2005)  aka “Sleep Sweet, My Darling” – International (English title) (festival title) aka “Sleep Sweet, My Darling” – (English title) (festival title)
	19.	How to Sleep (1935)  aka “How to Sleep”
	20.	In My Sleep (2009)  aka “In My Sleep – Schlaf kann tödlich sein” – Germany (DVD title) aka “In My Sleep”
	21.	I Have to Sleep, My Angel (2007)  aka “Moram spavat’, andjele” - Croatia (original title) aka “I Have to Sleep, My Angel” – (English title)
	22.	Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy (2010) (V)  aka “Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy”
	23.	Sleep Easy, Hutch Rimes (2000)  aka “Sleep Easy, Hutch Rimes”
	24.	The Bed You Sleep In (1993)  aka “The Bed You Sleep In”
	25.	The Innocent Sleep (1996)  aka “The Innocent Sleep”
	26.	To Sleep with a Vampire (1993)  aka “To Sleep with a Vampire”
	27.	Yumemiru yôni nemuritai (1986)  aka “To Sleep so as to Dream” – International (English title) (literal English title) aka “To Sleep so as to Dream” – (English title) (literal English title)
	28.	Angels Don’t Sleep Here (2002)  aka “Angels Don’t Sleep Here” aka “Backflash 2: Angels Don’t Sleep Here” – UK
	29.	Beyond the Wall of Sleep (2006)  aka “Beyond the Wall of Sleep”
	30.	Rip’s Twenty Years’ Sleep (1896)  aka “Rip’s Twenty Years’ Sleep”
	31.	Schulmädchen-Report 2: Was Eltern den Schlaf raubt (1971)  aka “Schoolgirls’ Report – Why Parents Lose Their Sleep” – Australia
	32.	Sleep Murder (2004) (TV)  aka “Sleep Murder”
	33.	Sleep, My Love (1948)  aka “Sleep, My Love”
	34.	The Perfect Sleep (2009)  aka “The Perfect Sleep”
	35.	Too Much Sleep (1997)  aka “Too Much Sleep”
	36.	Two to Help One Sleep (2009)  aka “Two to Help One Sleep”
	37.	Bombers B-52 (1957)  aka “No Sleep till Dawn” – USA (working title) aka “No Sleep Till Dawn” – UK
	38.	Dead Sleep (1990)  aka “Dead Sleep”
	39.	Don’t Go to Sleep (1982) (TV)  aka “Don’t Go to Sleep”
	40.	Eat, Sleep, No Women (2002)  aka “Essen, schlafen, keine Frauen” - Germany (original title) aka “Eat, Sleep, No Women” – (English title)
	41.	Fish Never Sleep (2004)  aka “Fish Never Sleep”
	42.	Sleep Come Free Me (1998)  aka “Sleep Come Free Me”
	43.	Sleep with Me (2009) (TV)  aka “Sleep with Me”
	44.	The Black Sleep (1956)  aka “Dr. Cadman’s Secret” – USA (reissue title) aka “The Black Sleep”
	45.	Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (2001)  aka “Where Did You Sleep Last Night?”
	46.	At Dawn They Sleep (2000)  aka “At Dawn They Sleep”
	47.	Before I Sleep (1996)  aka “Before I Sleep”
	48.	Before I Sleep (1997)  aka “Before I Sleep”
	49.	Case Studies from the Groat Center for Sleep Disorders (2002)  aka “Case Studies from the Groat Center for Sleep Disorders”
	50.	Ce soir, je dors chez toi (2007)  aka “Tonight I’ll Sleep at Yours” – Europe (English title) (festival title) aka “Tonight I’ll Sleep at Yours” – (English title) (festival title)
	51.	Drive Well, Sleep Carefully: On the Road with Death Cab for Cutie (2005)  aka “Drive Well, Sleep Carefully: On the Road with Death Cab for Cutie”
	52.	Half a Man (1925)  aka “No Sleep on the Deep” – UK
	53.	Ha-Timhoni (1970)  aka “Morning Before Sleep”
	54.	How to Sleep (1953)  aka “How to Sleep”
	55.	Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (2010) (VG)  aka “Kingudamu hâtsu: Bâsu bai surîpu” - Japan (original title) aka “Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep” – (English title), USA (imdb display title)
	56.	Psalms of Planets Eureka Seven: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Young Lovers (2009)  aka “Kôkyô shihen Eureka Sebun: Poketto ga niji de ippai” - Japan (original title) aka “Eureka 7: Pocket Full of Rainbows” – USA (DVD title) aka “Psalms of Planets Eureka Seven: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Young Lovers” – (English title)
	57.	Let’s Sleep on It (1976)  aka “Let’s Sleep on It”
	58.	Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (1996) (TV)  aka “The Stalker” – Japan (English title) (video title) aka “Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?”
	59.	Put to Sleep (1999)  aka “Put to Sleep”
	60.	Sleep Furiously (2008)  aka “Sleep Furiously”
	61.	Strays Don’t Sleep (2006) (V)  aka “Strays Don’t Sleep”
	62.	Set Point (2004)  aka “Täna öösel me ei maga” - Estonia (original title) aka “We Will Not Sleep Tonight” – (literal English title)
	63.	Team Sleep/Foireann Codladh (2008)  aka “Team Sleep/Foireann Codladh”
	64.	The Enigma of Sleep (2004)  aka “The Enigma of Sleep”
	65.	The Showdown (1950)  aka “Sleep All Winter” – USA (working title)
	66.	The Sleep Seeker (2001)  aka “The Sleep Seeker”
	67.	Blonde in a White Car (1958)  aka “Toi… le venin” - France (original title) aka “Nude in a White Car” – International (English title) aka “Night Is Not for Sleep” – UK
	68.	While the Children Sleep (2007) (TV)  aka “The Sitter” – USA (DVD title) aka “Psycho House” – Japan (English title) (DVD title) aka “While the Children Sleep”
	69.	In Their Sleep (2010)  aka “Dans ton sommeil” - France (original title) aka “In Their Sleep” – (English title)
	70.	Don’t Sleep Alone (1997)  aka “Don’t Sleep Alone”
	71.	Fatal Vows: The Alexandra O’Hara Story (1994) (TV)  aka “To Sleep with Danger” – USA (working title)
	72.	Ghosts Never Sleep (2005)  aka “Ghosts Never Sleep”
	73.	How Sleep the Brave (1981)  aka “How Sleep the Brave”
	74.	In the Aftermath (1988)  aka “In the Aftermath: Angels Never Sleep” – Australia (video title)
	75.	Wake Up, Mate, Don’t You Sleep (2002)  aka “Kelj fel, komám, ne aludjál” - Hungary (original title) aka “Wake Up, Mate, Don’t You Sleep” – (English title)
	76.	Never Sleep Again: The Making of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ (2006) (V)  aka “Never Sleep Again: The Making of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’”
	77.	Nightmare (2007) (TV)  aka “Sleep Walk” – Japan (English title) (DVD title) aka “Sleep Walk” – Japan (English title) (DVD title)
	78.	People Who Die Mysteriously in Their Sleep (2004) (V)  aka “People Who Die Mysteriously in Their Sleep”
	79.	The Czar Wants to Sleep (1934)  aka “Poruchik Kizhe” - Soviet Union (original title) aka “The Czar Wants to Sleep” – USA
	80.	Sleep Always (2002)  aka “Sleep Always”
	81.	Sleep, Baby, Sleep (1995) (TV)  aka “Sleep, Baby, Sleep”
	82.	The Bear That Couldn’t Sleep (1939)  aka “The Bear That Couldn’t Sleep”
	83.	The Devil’s Sleep (1949)  aka “The Devil’s Sleep”
	84.	The Hypnotic Eye (1960)  aka “The Screaming Sleep” – USA (working title)
	85.	To Die, to Sleep (1994)  aka “To Die, to Sleep”
	86.	Two Gates of Sleep (2010)  aka “Two Gates of Sleep”
	87.	Who Needs Sleep? (2006)  aka “Who Needs Sleep?”
	88.	1000 Year Sleep (2007)  aka “1000 Year Sleep”
	89.	Armor for Sleep: A Comprehensive Guide to Touring (2005) (V)  aka “Armor for Sleep: A Comprehensive Guide to Touring”
	90.	Auf ins blaukarierte Himmelbett (1974)  aka “Hey Marie, I Need More Sleep”
	91.	Behind the Wall of Sleep (2006) (V)  aka “Behind the Wall of Sleep”
	92.	Beyond the Wall of Sleep (2009)  aka “Beyond the Wall of Sleep”
	93.	Cousin of Sleep (2001)  aka “Cousin of Sleep”
	94.	Das Liebeskarussell (1965)  aka “Daisy Chain” – USA (DVD title) aka “Who Wants to Sleep?” – UK
	95.	Deep Sleep (1990)  aka “Deep Sleep”
	96.	Destroying Angel (1988)  aka “Sleep Well My Love”
	97.	Doggie Tails, Vol. 1: Lucky’s First Sleep-Over (2003) (V)  aka “Doggie Tails, Vol. 1: Lucky’s First Sleep-Over”
	98.	Warm Bed (2006)  aka “Dormir au chaud” - Belgium (original title) aka “To Sleep with the Heat” – UK
	99.	Do You Sleep in the Nude? (2007)  aka “Do You Sleep in the Nude?”
	100.	Duerme, duerme, mi amor (1975)  aka “Sleep, Sleep, My Love”
	101.	Hayseed Dixie: No Sleep ‘Til Liverpool (2006) (V)  aka “Hayseed Dixie: No Sleep ‘Til Liverpool”
	102.	Kemono no nemuri (1960)  aka “Sleep of the Beast”
	103.	Sleep Tight (2003)  aka “Les lionceaux” - France (original title) aka “Sleep Tight” – (English title)
	104.	Miles to Go Before I Sleep (1975) (TV)  aka “Miles to Go Before I Sleep”
	105.	A Good Night Sleep for the Bad (2009)  aka “Nappeun nomi deo jal janda” - South Korea (original title) aka “The Bad Sleep Better” – International (English title) aka “The Bad Sleep Better” – (English title) aka “A Good Night Sleep for the Bad” – (English title)
	106.	Night Without Sleep (1952/I)  aka “Night Without Sleep”
	107.	Sleep Happy (1951)  aka “Sleep Happy”
	108.	Sleep in Heavenly Peace (2007)  aka “Sleep in Heavenly Peace”
	109.	Sleep Is for Sissies (1980)  aka “Edge City” – USA (alternative title) aka “Sleep Is for Sissies”
	110.	“Sleep on It” (2008) (TV series)  aka “Sleep on It”
	111.	Sleep When You’re Dead (1997)  aka “Sleep When You’re Dead”
	112.	Somnul insulei (1994)  aka “The Sleep of the Island”
	113.	So You Think You Can’t Sleep (1953)  aka “So You Think You Can’t Sleep”
	114.	The Dead Sleep Easy (2007) (V)  aka “The Dead Sleep Easy”
	115.	The Deep and Dreamless Sleep (2004)  aka “Project 350″ – USA (alternative title) aka “The Deep and Dreamless Sleep”
	116.	The Making of ‘The Science of Sleep’ (2007) (V)  aka “The Making of ‘The Science of Sleep’”
	117.	The Sleep of Death (1981)  aka “The Sleep of Death”
	118.	The Sleep of Reason (2003)  aka “The Sleep of Reason”
	119.	“The Sleep of Reason” (2007) (TV series)  aka “The Sleep of Reason”
	120.	We Never Sleep (1956)  aka “We Never Sleep”
	121.	Why Should I Buy a Bed When All That I Want Is Sleep? (1999)  aka “Why Should I Buy a Bed When All That I Want Is Sleep?”
	122.	8 Hours of Sleep (2008)  aka “8 Hours of Sleep”
	123.	A Good Nights Sleep (2008)  aka “A Good Nights Sleep”
	124.	A Good Night’s Sleep (2009)  aka “A Good Night’s Sleep”
	125.	Allie’s Sleep Over Club (2010)  aka “Allie’s Sleep Over Club”
	126.	Heaven Does Not Sleep (1953)  aka “Al samaa latanam” - Egypt (original title) aka “Heaven Does Not Sleep” – (English title)
	127.	An Hour of Sleep (2010)  aka “An Hour of Sleep”
	128.	Asleep at the Wheel (2011)  aka “Sleep State” – USA (working title)
	129.	A Sleep Walking Cure (1910)  aka “A Sleep Walking Cure”
	130.	A spat’ s chuzhoy zhenoy khorosho!? (1992)  aka “Is It OK to Sleep with Other Man’s Wife?” – International (English title) (literal title) aka “Is It OK to Sleep with Other Man’s Wife?” – (English title) (literal title)
	131.	A Sudden Sleep of Evil (2010)  aka “A Sudden Sleep of Evil”
	132.	As We Sleep (2002)  aka “As We Sleep”
	133.	A Wake, a Sleep (2010)  aka “A Wake, a Sleep”
	134.	Beauty Sleep (2011)  aka “Beauty Sleep”
	135.	Before I Go to Sleep (2012)  aka “Before I Go to Sleep”
	136.	Boa Noite Cinderela (2005)  aka “Sleep Well Cinderella” – Europe (English title) (DVD title) aka “Sleep Well Cinderella” – (English title) (DVD title), Croatia (DVD title)
	137.	Bratz Kidz: Sleep-Over Adventure (2007) (V)  aka “Bratz Kidz: Sleep-Over Adventure”
	138.	Bratz Kidz Sleep-Over Adventure: Best Friends Q&A (2007) (V)  aka “Bratz Kidz Sleep-Over Adventure: Best Friends Q&A”
	139.	Bratz Kidz Sleep-Over Adventure: Slumber Party Scavenger Hunt (2007) (VG)  aka “Bratz Kidz Sleep-Over Adventure: Slumber Party Scavenger Hunt”
	140.	Call It Sleep (1996)  aka “Call It Sleep”
	141.	Cert nespi (1957)  aka “The Devil Does Not Sleep”
	142.	Confessions of a Sleep Addict (1996)  aka “Confessions of a Sleep Addict”
	143.	Deep Sleep (2009)  aka “Deep Sleep”
	144.	Sleep Is the Sky of the Poors (2001)  aka “Der Schlaf ist der Himmel der Armen” - Switzerland (original title) aka “Sleep Is the Sky of the Poors” – (English title)
	145.	The Little Town Will Go to Sleep (1954)  aka “Die kleine Stadt will schlafen gehen” - West Germany (original title) aka “The Little Town Will Go to Sleep” – (English title)
	146.	Dreams Without Sleep (2002)  aka “Dreams Without Sleep”
	147.	Dying in Your Sleep (2006)  aka “Dying in Your Sleep”
	148.	Eat, Sleep, Poop (2012)  aka “Eat, Sleep, Poop”
	149.	Eat, Sleep, Repeat (2008)  aka “Eat, Sleep, Repeat”
	150.	Fighting Sleep (2006) (V)  aka “Fighting Sleep”
	151.	First Sleep (2012)  aka “First Sleep”
	152.	Ga-byeo-un jam (2008)  aka “A Light Sleep” – Republic of Korea (DVD box title)
	153.	Go Back to Sleep (2007)  aka “Go Back to Sleep”
	154.	Good Night, Sleep Tight (2006)  aka “Good Night, Sleep Tight”
	155.	Good Night, Sleep Tight (2010)  aka “Good Night, Sleep Tight”
	156.	Gothic Movie: Good Girls Don’t Sleep in Coffins (2003) (V)  aka “Good Girls Don’t Sleep in Coffins” – USA (reissue title) aka “Good Girls Don’t Sleep in Coffins” – USA (reissue title) aka “Gothic Movie: Good Girls Don’t Sleep in Coffins”
	157.	Go to Sleep (2009)  aka “Go to Sleep”
	158.	Hanamuko no negoto (1935)  aka “Bridegroom Talks in His Sleep”
	159.	Hanayome no negoto (1933)  aka “The Bride Talks in Her Sleep”
	160.	I Don’t Sleep I Dream (2009)  aka “I Don’t Sleep I Dream”
	161.	In Her Sleep (1914)  aka “In Her Sleep”
	162.	Joey Walks in His Sleep (1916)  aka “Joey Walks in His Sleep”
	163.	Kidsongs: Good Night, Sleep Tight (1986) (V)  aka “Kidsongs: Good Night, Sleep Tight”
	164.	Look Before You Sleep (1922)  aka “Look Before You Sleep”
	165.	Luke’s Shattered Sleep (1916)  aka “Luke’s Shattered Sleep”
	166.	Min Walks in Her Sleep (1926)  aka “Min Walks in Her Sleep”
	167.	Nani-na (1990)  aka “Sleep, My Baby” – International (English title) (literal title) aka “Sleep, My Baby” – (English title) (literal title)
	168.	Nie wieder schlafen (1992)  aka “Never Sleep Again”
	169.	No Sleep (2009)  aka “No Sleep”
	170.	No Sleep for Percy (1955)  aka “No Sleep for Percy”
	171.	No Sleep on the Deep (1934)  aka “No Sleep on the Deep”
	172.	Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (1897)  aka “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”
	173.	Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (1913)  aka “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”
	174.	Nu gdzinavs (1920)  aka “Don’t Sleep” – International (English title) (literal title) aka “Don’t Sleep” – (English title) (literal title)
	175.	Please Go ‘Way and Let Me Sleep (1931)  aka “Please Go ‘Way and Let Me Sleep”
	176.	Please Let Me Sleep (2006) (V)  aka “Please Let Me Sleep”
	177.	Polidor, the Sleep-Walker (1913)  aka “Polidor sonnambulo” - Italy (original title) aka “Polidor, the Sleep-Walker” – USA
	178.	Putting Papa to Sleep (1915)  aka “Putting Papa to Sleep”
	179.	Restless Sleep (1973)  aka “Restless Sleep”
	180.	Rocked to Sleep (1920)  aka “Rocked to Sleep”
	181.	Sean Scott Can’t Sleep (2009)  aka “Sean Scott Can’t Sleep”
	182.	Secret History: Deep Sleep (1992) (TV)  aka “Secret History: Deep Sleep”
	183.	She Is (Not) Able to Sleep (2008)  aka “She Is (Not) Able to Sleep”
	184.	Shorty’s Troubled Sleep (1915)  aka “Shorty’s Troubled Sleep”
	185.	Should Sleepwalkers Marry? (1927)  aka “Should Sleep Walkers Marry?” – USA (alternative spelling) aka “The Sleep Walker” – USA (working title)
	186.	Should Watchmen Sleep? (1922)  aka “Should Watchmen Sleep?”
	187.	Sing Me to Sleep (2010/I)  aka “Sing Me to Sleep”
	188.	Sing Me to Sleep (2010/II)  aka “Sing Me to Sleep”
	189.	Skylight Sleep (1915)  aka “Skylight Sleep”
	190.	Sleep Away! (2005)  aka “Sleep Away!”
	191.	Sleep, Beautiful Sleep (1915)  aka “Sleep, Beautiful Sleep”
	192.	Sleep Buddy (2009)  aka “Sleep Buddy”
	193.	Sleep, Gentle Sleep (1911)  aka “Sleep, Gentle Sleep”
	194.	Sleep Good – Rock Well (2005)  aka “22 Pistepirkko: Sleep Good – Rock Well” – Denmark aka “Sleep Good – Rock Well”
	195.	Sleep in a Nest of Flames (2001)  aka “Sleep in a Nest of Flames”
	196.	Sleep Keep Wake Take (2007)  aka “Sleep Keep Wake Take”
	197.	Sleep Lab (2009)  aka “Sleep Lab”
	198.	Sleep Less (2006)  aka “Sleep Less”
	199.	Sleep My Love (2002)  aka “Sleep My Love”
	200.	Sleep of Reason (1989)  aka “Sleep of Reason”
	201.	Sleep of Reason (2010)  aka “Sleep of Reason”
	202.	Sleep on It (2010)  aka “Sleep on It”
	203.	Sleep-Paralysis (2004)  aka “Sleep-Paralysis”
	204.	Sleep Please (2009)  aka “Sleep Please”
	205.	Sleep, the Monster Whispered (1996)  aka “Sleep, the Monster Whispered”
	206.	Sleep Tight (2005)  aka “Sleep Tight”
	207.	Sleep Tight (2010)  aka “Sleep Tight”
	208.	Sleep Tight… A Bed Time Story (2009) (V)  aka “Sleep Tight… A Bed Time Story”
	209.	Sleep Til You Drink (2002)  aka “Sleep Til You Drink”
	210.	Sleep to Dream (2007)  aka “Sleep to Dream”
	211.	Sleep When You’re Dead (1990)  aka “Sleep When You’re Dead”
	212.	Sleep with Grace (2008)  aka “Sleep with Grace”
	213.	Sock Me to Sleep (1926)  aka “Sock Me to Sleep”
	214.	Sock Me to Sleep (1935)  aka “Sock Me to Sleep”
	215.	Starlight Sleep (1917)  aka “Starlight Sleep”
	216.	Tania Can’t Sleep (2008) (V)  aka “Tania Can’t Sleep”
	217.	The Angel to Help Me Sleep (2010)  aka “The Angel to Help Me Sleep”
	218.	The Dead Sleep (2010)  aka “The Dead Sleep”
	219.	The Electric Sleep (2007) (V)  aka “The Electric Sleep”
	220.	The Eye Wants to Sleep He Says But the Head Is No Mattress (1993)  aka “The Eye Wants to Sleep He Says But the Head Is No Mattress”
	221.	The Man Who Could Not Sleep (1915)  aka “The Man Who Could Not Sleep”
	222.	The Man Who Couldn’t Sleep (2006)  aka “The Man Who Couldn’t Sleep”
	223.	The Nice Long Sleep (2004)  aka “The Nice Long Sleep”
	224.	I Love You, I Hate You (1968)  aka “The Other People” - UK (original title) aka “Sleep Is Lovely”
	225.	The Other Side of My Sleep (2010)  aka “The Other Side of My Sleep”
	226.	The Other Side of Sleep (2011)  aka “The Other Side of Sleep”
	227.	The Power of Sleep (1913)  aka “The Power of Sleep”
	228.	The Sheep That Sleep (2008)  aka “The Sheep That Sleep”
	229.	The Sleep Breakers (1910)  aka “The Sleep Breakers”
	230.	The Sleep Cure (1998)  aka “The Sleep Cure”
	231.	The Sleep of Cyma Roget (1920)  aka “The Devil’s Angel” – USA (reissue title) aka “The Sleep of Cyma Roget”
	232.	The Sleep of Reason: This Blood Spilled in My Veins (2002) (V)  aka “The Sleep of Reason: This Blood Spilled in My Veins”
	233.	The Sleep Study (2009)  aka “The Sleep Study”
	234.	The Sleep Walker (1911)  aka “The Sleep Walker”
	235.	The Sleep Walker (1925)  aka “The Sleep Walker”
	236.	The Somnambulist (1903)  aka “The Sleep Walker’s Dream” – USA (reissue title) aka “The Sleep Walker’s Dream” – USA (reissue title)
	237.	The Veil of Sleep (1913)  aka “The Veil of Sleep”
	238.	They Can Sleep (2008)  aka “They Can Sleep”
	239.	They No Longer Sleep Alone (2009)  aka “They No Longer Sleep Alone”
	240.	Thinking About Sleep (1999)  aka “Thinking About Sleep”
	241.	Too Much Sleep (1926)  aka “Too Much Sleep”
	242.	Too Much Sleep (1927)  aka “Too Much Sleep”
	243.	To Sleep and Dream (2010)  aka “To Sleep and Dream”
	244.	Twilight Sleep (1915)  aka “Twilight Sleep”
	245.	Two Beds and No Sleep (1916)  aka “Two Beds and No Sleep”
	246.	United We Sleep (2007)  aka “United We Sleep”
	247.	The Bad Sleep Well (2010) (TV)  aka “Warui yatsu hodo yoku nemuru” - Japan (original title) aka “The Bad Sleep Well” – (English title)
	248.	We Never Sleep (1917)  aka “Lonesome Luke in We Never Sleep” – USA (alternative title) aka “Lonesome Luke in We Never Sleep” – USA (alternative title) aka “We Never Sleep”
	249.	When They Sleep (1957)  aka “When They Sleep”
	250.	Where Do Planes Sleep? (1995)  aka “Where Do Planes Sleep?”
	251.	While I Sleep (2010) (V)  aka “While I Sleep”
	252.	While Parents Sleep (1935)  aka “While Parents Sleep”
	253.	While You Sleep (2002)  aka “While You Sleep”
	254.	Why Krausemeyer Couldn’t Sleep (1899)  aka “Why Krausmyer Can’t Sleep” – USA (copyright title) aka “Why Krausmyer Can’t Sleep” – USA (copyright title) aka “Why Krausemeyer Couldn’t Sleep”
	255.	Why Papa Cannot Sleep (1896)  aka “Why Papa Can’t Sleep” – USA (second copyright title) aka “Why Papa Cannot Sleep”

Sleeping in the clouds

I usually fall asleep on planes long before they take off. I think it may be a defense mechanism — despite the many miles I’ve flown, being stuffed into a flying sardine can with 100 people I don’t know isn’t my favorite thing to do. Especially after I’ve been x-rayed, patted down, and had to get partially undressed then dressed again. Today, they made me remove my scarf – despite my protests that it was an integral part of my fashion statement.

But I digress.

Right now, I’m on a plane. And I’m not sleeping (or sleep-writing.) I’m blogging! Until January 2, Airtran is offering free WIFI in-flight. How could I  resist? Ok – I did take a little snooze during take-off. But then it was on to the log-on process, which was very simple. I may regret that next week when I start getting daily emails from go-go-whatever and Google Chrome, the sponsors of the freebie.

My only question – for years we’ve all been warned that leaving our cell phones on may interfere with the cockpit’s navigational equipment. Should there be 50 of us logged on to laptops right now?

When were they going to tell me?

I was at a Sjogren’s Syndrome Support Group meeting last week when a fellow member excitedly gave me an article to read that she had brought back from a meeting of an Autoimmune Disease Association. I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s a couple years ago. It is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks the glands that produce lubrication for the body, leaving it depleted of tears, saliva, etc.  When I was first diagnosed,  I thought “what else!!?? Isn’t Narcolepsy/Cataplexy enough?

The article my friend gave me was not about Sjogren’s Syndrome. It was about Narcolepsy. Researchers at Stanford University have done studies proving  that Narcolepsy is an autoimmune disease, not a neurological disorder. http://med.stanford.edu/school/Psychiatry/narcolepsy/faq1.html

Does my Neurologist know this? Was he going to share this with me at some point? Is my Narcolepsy related to the Sjogren’s Syndrome?  My rheumotologist is a specialist in autoimmune disease. He knows I have Narcolepsy. Did it occur to him to let me in on the secret?

What next?

You gotta get up…

I got up early this morning (6:00 on a Saturday) with a craving for waffles. For those who know me, you’re probably picturing me trying to figure out what local restaurant is open that early AND serves great waffles. But no… I actually had the thought to make waffles.

And make waffles I did. I got out the old waffle iron (seriously old, I bought it at a rummage sale and had to replace the frayed cloth-covered cord.) Ok, I cheated and used a mix. But Giant Eagle store brand Waffle mix is the best. That’s much better than popping a frozen one in the toaster. The first one came out perfect. That’s not supposed to happen! It’s going to be a good day.

While I’m eating my perfectly golden cooked-to-perfection waffles (yes, more than one) I decide to read the local news. You know, the way I used to when I had a normal life. (Ok, I’ve never had a “normal” life, but you know what I mean.) (Stop snickering.) But I digress…

In the Stow Sentry, page 12, there is an ad for “Adventure Boot Camp.” I have no idea why it caught my eye — maybe subconscious guilt that I was eating waffles instead of doing my morning Yoga practice. Regardless, there it was, 5 days a week, 4 weeks of “adventurous” fitness camp just for women. And I  was guaranteed to lose at least 12 pounds. And it was before my upcoming business trip to Reno. This is too great.

I sponged the last of the apple butter and maple syrup off my plate with the last morsel of waffle and sprinted up the stairs. (OK, it wasn’t exactly a “sprint” but it was better than an “amble” so let me continue my story.) I flipped on my bedside netbook and went to the website www.summitcountybootcamp.com. “Under Construction”??? No way. Wait — as my cursor hovered over some text in the upper right corner, it showed a live link. So I clicked. And, yes — there was all the info I ever wanted to know about the fitness from hell..er, I mean Adventurous program.

Even the part that said it started each morning at 5:30am.

Yes you read that right. 5:30 AM. If you refer to an earlier blog post, you’ll recall that Jasper Blue (my cat) has decided to wake up between 5:00 – 6:15 each morning demanding food. Lately it’s been closer to 5:00 So I’m thinking, I’m up anyway…sort of.

I have no idea what came over me. Maybe it was the apple butter. Before I knew it, I had clicked my way into purchasing the full Boot Camp package for $300 (well, $299 so that makes it much easier to justify.) As I am still underemployed, I put it on my Paypal Buyer Credit, so I can pay it off a little at a time. Hopefully the debt will be gone at the same time as my excess fat. The registration form was the real kicker for my decision. After filling out the information about my physical condition, I had to sign a waiver that included the usual “I promise not to sue you if I hurt myself” clause. It also included a checkbox list where I had to promise:

- Not to use curse words during camp (quick – think of alternatives for the 4-letter words that are bound to cross my mind as I’m trying to breathe at the crack of dawn)

- Not to divulge any information about what goes on at the camp for a certain number of weeks after the program (ok, was this supposed to be a humorous bit to go with the “boot camp” theme, or I’m I getting into some weird sorority/vampire cult?)

- And best of all, I had to promise not to use the words “Ho-Ho, Ding-Dong or donut” while at camp.

Someone has a sense of humor. They had me at Twinkie.

The next logical step was to post it on Facebook, along with a link to the dysfunctional website in case any of my female friends might be interested. Misery loves company, especially at 5:30 in the morning.

I was pumped up at the thought of doing something so “adventurous.” So pumped, as a matter of fact, that I put down the netbook and snuggled back under the covers. Keeping the netbook bedside may not be the best idea. Jasper curled up into a kitty-ball at my feet as I and my belly full of waffles and syrup drifted off to a rerun of last night’s dreamland. Well, I don’t really drift. My last sleep study clocked me going into REM within 90 seconds of closing my eyes. So as I did a narcoleptic head dive and thudded into dreamland, Jasper shifted positions just a little and nodded off too.

I’m snoozing peacefully when which sounds like Bono singing “Beautiful Day,” which it is, since that is my new ringtone. I am jarred awake. I’m conscious enough to know that I probably don’t want to sound like I was sleeping at this time of the day when I answer the phone. I clear my throat and try for my best coherent low-pitched Jane Fonda-like  ”hello.”

On the other end of the phone was the director of “Adventure Boot Camp” calling to welcome me to the program, and to ask how I registered for the camp when he thought his website was down. I explained my bent toward computer geekdom and offered him some HTML advice. Then chatted a minute more with him about the camp. I hung up and looked at the clock. It was 11:30 am! How embarrassing. I know it’s Saturday, but any normal person would be up by now. Then I thought of the syrup encrusted plate I had forgotten to rinse off downstairs. I looked at Jasper and he was in peaceful kitty dreamland. It would be a shame to disturb him. And, well, I’m feeling a bit drowsy again, so maybe I’ll just curl… zzzzz

How in the world am I going to be at boot camp at 5:30 am???

Live Out Loud

Someone (a new aquaintance) commented to me upon reading my blog that Tony Robbins has said “You can either live your life, or live your story.” This was a comment aimed at bashing blogs in general, and me specifically.

I hate to disagree with this seemingly profound statement, so instead I will counter with this: If my life were a story, it would be a mini-series.

I am my story. And the part of it I spend awake is what I do. The part spent asleep is what I have. I have chosen to live, as much as I can, a normal life. It is often a challenge. It is always an adventure. If you don’t like my blog, don’t read my blog. The way I choose to live my life is to live it out loud.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

We all have sleep disorders… when necessary

Remember the song “Wake Up Little Suzy” by the Everly Brothers back in the 1950s (AD)?

My son broke curfew the other night. After six unanswered calls and texts to his phone, and discovering that his girlfriend’s family had disconnected their landline to go completely cellular, yes I did it.

I texted a final warning: “You are grounded for every 10 minutes it takes you from right NOW to get home.” I did this before considering that I would, in effect, be grounded as well in order to make sure he served out his sentence, which potentially could last until his is 25.

No response. So, yes I did it — I called the police. Hey – I’m a mom! And it was 2:00 am.  Curfew on the weekends is midnight, 11:00 pm weekdays. Summer seems to make teens forget rules, but my dear son is always on time (ok, always is a relative term…)

At 2:15 I got a desperate text from the teen.

Son: “I fell asleep at my girlfriend’s! I’ll be home in 10 min.”
Me:  “Drive careful, the police are looking for you.”
Son: “Wow”

He arrived home in less than 10 minutes, looking like he’d been asleep.  All was well and I got some of my least-favorite household chores done by the inmate while he served his sentence. This post completes his punishment since some of his friends are my Facebook buddies.

Wake up, little teenagers, WAKE UP!

The upside, down

I woke up this morning with a “kink” in my neck. At least that’s what my mother used to call it. It’s a nagging, painful spot just left of my spine where my neck meets my shoulder. I guess I “slept wrong.” Ok – spot for a narcolepsy joke here — don’t I always sleep wrong?

I gave the Meloxicam (anti-inflammatory I take daily) time to work. Apparently, it slept in. So I headed downstairs to “strap myself in.” A couple of years ago, I bought this contraption called an Inversion Table. It looks like a medieval torture device. It consists of a comfy bed-like surface upright at a 20-degree angle. That’s just a ruse. the fun part comes when I strap my feet into two vise-like cinches. I have to wear boots to do this or my feet end up very bruised. I lay back on the bed, holding the side rails and s l o w l y let my weight pull me back until I am completely upside down hanging from my ankles.

Yes, I look like a bat.

But the great thing is, while I’m hanging around in the inversion table, my back gets to release all the tension, knots, compressed discs, etc, that it’s built-up while I “slept wrong.” Twenty minutes tops is the time I should be upside down. The table instructions suggest two to three sessions a day for 10 minutes as a time. If I’m feeling good, I’ll do a few upside down sit ups while I’m inverted. I’ve worked up to being able to pull myself up using my abs and not my arms or neck, 25 times before I lose muscle control. Or I play pull-up with my arms, rocking from being completely upside down to a 90- or 45-degree angle. Luckily there is a stop strap to keep me from making a complete orbit.

When I’m not near my inversion table, as I was for the past year while I was living on my own, I improvised. Scooching my rear up to a wall as close as possible, I would inch my legs up the wall until I was in an inverted “V”. it wasn’t the full inversion effect, but it did wonders for my back “kinks.”

I also find something very soothing about hanging like a bat. Well, not at first. At first if was just disorienting and scary. But as I’ve gotten used to it, I find it helps me clear my mind. There’s something about looking at your world upside down that gives it a whole new perspective. Especially when it unkinks your back.

Sleeping alone

I had to kick a man out of my bed this week. At first, Jasper Kitty’s habit of waking me up in the morning by gently poking my face with his furry paw was cute. And conveniently, JK’s internal alarm clock was set for 7:00am. It was a great way to keep me from spending the morning in bed. I dutifully got up and fed my growing kitten and started my day each morning.

Something has happened however. My furry roommate’s wake-up time started to creep closer to 6. Okay, I could adjust to that. But then it started being 5:30, 5:00, and then a painfully early 4:00.  Scolding and ignoring did nothing except keep me awake. So a few nights ago, I said goodnight to my little guy, shut the door, and slept alone.

I thought that a couple of nights alone might give Jasper the hint that he needed to adjust his timing. I faithfully got up and fed him at 6am for several mornings. He met me at the door with chirps and meows as if to say “how could you?” I missed having him next to me too. So last night I fed him later than usual and brought him upstairs when it was time to turn in at 11pm.  But, regardless of the well orchestrated plan to coexist with Jasper K, I was awakened by meows and a “cat thud” onto my bookcase headboard at 4am. 

I read tonight that 52% of people with sleep disorders report sleeping with their pets. Although the study conducted by the Mayo Clinic did not reach any conclusions about whether pets cause sleep disorders, it did give me paws…uh, pause.

I remember “Ferberizing” my son Joe when he was an infant — a technique to train babies to sleep through the night. I can’t be sure, but I’m fairly certain cats are immune to such manipulation. Us humans, however… Yes Jasper, I’ll be there in a moment.

Will Work for Sleep

“How would your narcolepsy affect you doing this role?”

It depends on how boring it is. 

SERIOUSLY – this is an actual response I received after applying for a freelance project. And no, I did not response about the mental stimulation of the project.

My condition was brought to light via this blog. I needed to provide samples of my writing. As you see, this blog is brilliantly written and so I used it as an example of my skills. It’s also painfully truthful about me. Which I tend to be.

After a year of  triumphantly, and now tentatively, living on my own, I find myself on the precipice of having to move back into my house with my ex. I am teetering on that ledge only because my rent is paid through June 30, and I am an eternal optimist. I feel like a year of hard work has been negated.

I have long since given up on finding a “real” job in an office with other human beings. I’m facing these harsh realities:

- I really can’t drive more than 10 minutes on the highway.  As my doctor says, I may be fine with crashing and killing myself, but with my luck I would probably live but cause someone else to die, and that would be hard to live with.

- Stow Ohio is not the hot bed of employment activity, especially that which is within 10 minutes of my apartment, and would accommodate an employee napping during the work day. (Beds in the break room… there’s a concept.)

- Sleeping in my car during work messes up my hair and makes people wonder what I have been doing during my lunch break.

With my disability case pending, I cannot risk working a traditional job either.  My attorney tells me freelancing is risky as well. But what choice do I have while I wait 24 months for the government to decide if they will even hear my case. So, U.S. Social Security Department, if you are reading this, be assured I am not breaking any rules since I CAN’T FIND ANY WORK.

Those of you who know me, try to picture me not working. Now, try to picture the gifts you will bring me while I am in the mental institution.

This is one of those “life isn’t fair” days.

I’ve got a great beat, but I’m hard to dance to.

I just read several articles on Circadian Rhythm. That term refers to your body’s internal time clock that naturally tells you when to sleep and when to be awake. It also controls when you are most and least productive.

Our natural circadian clocks are set for 24 hour cycles. Approximately 8 hours of sleep and 16 hours of wakefulness. Sleep disorders give a person a vast array of other choices. Choices they are not supposed to have. Choices that don’t jive well with the rest of the functioning world. My narcolepsy sets my circadian rhythm at about 90 minutes of sleep and 4 hours of wakefulness. If you do the math, that gives me the need for 3-4 naps a day, along with 8 hours of sleep a night. In reality, I can survive on 2 naps a day and 9 hours of sleep a night. Do the math again. That gives me 12 hours of wakefulness per day. That puts me behind the rest of the world by 6 hours a day. In reality, the onset of my sleepiness, and my brain fog upon waking loses another 2-3 hours a day. So I’m down to a 9-10 hour window of productivity. Add in time for 3 meals a day – let’s say 20 minutes each – and now I’m down to 8-9 hours.  My close friends and relatives know not to call me or expect me to be coherent from 11:00am-12:30pm and 3:00pm-4:30pm daily. Telemarketers get the information loud and clear if they call during naptime.

And this schedule is with medication and therapy for narcolepsy.

Yikes. No wonder I slept through most of 1999.

My body clock likes to wake up at 6:15 am. On the dot. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed. However, Jasper Kitty’s clock is set at exactly 5:05 am. And he has a snooze alarm. Which means at exactly 5:05 am, he jumps on my bed and starts riffling through anything I have placed on top of my bookcase headboard. If there’s nothing there, he paws the books or gets into the baskets I have stashed essential in, like my glasses, etc.  There are now lids on said baskets, and a frustrated cat. If I can snooze through this, at exactly 5:10, Jasper’s alarm goes off again. This time, he gets next to my head and taps my face with his declawed paw. Really. If unresponsive, this is followed by a series of meows. He is relentless. Shutting him out of the bedroom brings on meows plus pawing at the door, plus the occasional “crash!” to get my attention.

Jasper has now set my bedtime at 9:00 pm. Or has ordered a 3rd nap for me daily. That would be at 7pm. There goes another 90 minutes.

At least I’ll be awake for Glee and The Bachelorette.

Do you dream in color?

Do you dream in color? If you’re sleeping well, the answer to that question is “I don’t know.” Either that, or your alarm went off too early. 

Jasper Blue in REM stage

 

Or in my case, Jasper the Cat wanted breakfast on HIS schedule, not mine. The voracious beast taps me on the head with his (luckily for me, declawed) paw until I get up and serve him. 

Dreams occur in the deepest stage of sleep. So if you are sleeping soundly, you will awaken up through the other stages of sleep naturally, leaving your dreams in the dust. I’ve left a lot of my dreams in the dust, but that’s a whole other blog… 

Most people fall asleep in 10-20 minutes of hitting the pillow. The narcoleptic response is much shorter. I have been clocked during sleep studies to be completely into the sleep cycle in as little as 90 seconds. That’s what makes it dangerous for me to drive when I’m sleepy. 

But enough about me. Here’s a little quiz about dreams. No peeking at the answers at the bottom! 

1. What is the most common dream about?
2. What are the other 5 most common dreams?
3. What does it mean when you dream that you are being chased?
4. In what stage of sleep do dreams occur?
5. How many dreams does the average person have each night?
6. How long after you fall asleep do you begin to dream?
7. Everyone dreams (it’s a fact), unless they have what condition(s)?
8. Do blind people dream?
9. What happens to your dreams if you are snoring?
10. What is the most common setting for a dream?

and
the
answers
are
…
…
…
…
… 

1. Answers:
   Your teeth are falling out
2. You’re suddenly naked, you’re being chased, you’re flying, you’re falling, you show up for a test and haven’t studied
3. To dream that you are being chased, signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity.
4. Dreams can occur in any stage of sleep, but usually in the REM stage
5. Anywhere from 4 to7
6. 30-90 minutes
7. A lack of dream activity can mean protein deficiency or a personality disorder.
8. Yes
9. No, they do not leave the bedroom in a huff to sleep on the coach. But it’s close — you cannot dream if you are snoring.
10. Your house (no, not YOUR house specifically – I dream about my house, you dream about yours.)

For more dream interpretations, visit The Dream Dictionary The Dream Dictionary 

Sweet dreams everyone!
Kathleen

The few, the unwilling, the non-existent

“Claimant’s physician has submitted a statement indicating that there was no time when claimant was not able to work. However, claimant needs to take frequent naps throughout the day. There are few, if any, employers who are willing to let an employee take a nap whenever she needs it. Additionally, claimant also admits she has spells of weakness that cause her to fall because of cataplexy. She should not be around steps. She cannot work with equipment or machinery. The facts show that claimant is so severly restricted that it is difficult to see how she could engage in any gainful employment. Therefore, the Hearing Officer concludes that she was not able to work as required by law.”

And so it was written in the docket of a hearing with the State of Ohio Unemployment Compensation Review Commission.

And the riveting response from the Social Security office of Disability Benefits: “ZZZZzzzzzzzz. We’ll get back to you in 24 months. Maybe.”

Hello US Government, Let me introduce you to the US Government

It’s enough to make me go zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Today I got a letter from the Unemployment office. I filed when I lost my job at [undisclosed location]. While filing, I had to answer the question “during the last week, were you physically and mentally able to work?” Well – since I was asked to leave because of my narcolepsy, I answered “no.” Silly me. I didn’t know that if you answer no to that question you are ineligible for benefits.

But wait — The SSI Disability office has said I am not disabled from work. Wow – they said it 3 times now turning down my appeals.

But wait — ODJFS (Unemployment office) says I can’t work…

But wait — arggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

My disability case is up for appeal AGAIN. Even if they decide my case has merit, the waiting list for a hearing is 24 months!!!! Let’s see… I can’t work, I can’t get unemployment, and I can’t get disability compensation. Now I know how people end up being homeless. Or trophy wives.

Does anyone know of any nice bridges with built-in cardboard box accomodations?

Songs to Sleep By

A lot of songs have been written about sleep. Even more about dreaming. Here’s a list of the top of my head…

Sleeping to Dream
Sleep All Day
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
No Sleep Till Brooklyn
Talking in Your Sleep
When I Wake Up to Sleep No More
Sleep With the Angels
I Can Sleep When I’m Dead
Don’t Sleep in the Subway
My Clone Sleeps Alone
Sleep Through the Static
I Don’t Like to Sleep Alone

And to all a good night

I remember when I was a little girl, being so afraid that we wouldn’t get home from Grandma’s in time for Santa to come. Of course, we all know the jolly man doesn’t come unless you are fast asleep. Somehow, despite my excitement, I managed to get enough winks in to allow Santa to leave a cache of gifts under the tree.

Other nights however, I was prone to wander. My mother told me that she would go to check on me in the night and my bed would be empty. After a short search, she would find me asleep on the stairs, in the bathtub, under the dining room table. At the time, it was a cute quirk. Now I recognize that my midnight strolls were the beginning of narcoleptic sleepwalking.

Years later, my sporadic sleep pattern was thought to be insomnia and I was given Ambien to help me sleep. It did help me sleep — right through my trips to the kitchen to pillage the pantry, totally unbeknownst to me. Fifty pounds later, I took my first sleep study and found out that my problem was much deeper than insomnia, and was in fact, narcolepsy.

So, as midnight approaches on this Christmas Eve, I wish you all a good, restful, night.

Sleeping through the holiday

Can sleeping be a defense mechanism? I have been accused of using my narcolepsy to “avoid” things. Usually this is by someone who hasn’t a clue what narcolepsy is, and wants me to do something I’d rather not do.

If sleeping could be used as an alibi, I’d be tempted to go into hibernation for the next couple of weeks until the holiday is over.

I’m usually excited about Christmas. I get to be tacky. I decorate every inch of the house with things I would otherwise reject. I send cards and make gifts.

But not this year. This is my first Christmas alone. My apartment is too small to decorate – even a tiny tree won’t fit. I thought about getting one of those trees you hang upside down from the ceiling, but that is even too tacky for me. There is no money for gifts and no inspiration, time or energy either.

Clements’ “just settled in for a long winter’s nap” is sounding real good about now.

Falling asleep – the wonders of Cataplexy

I haven’t had a Cataplexy attack in a long time. But thanks to a bad cold and a frantic trip to the drug store, I took a spill the other day.

Oh, maybe I should explain Cataplexy. It is a condition that goes along with Narcolepsy, in which a person’s limbs (usually legs) spontaneously turn to spaghetti, causing them to collapse uncontrollably. It’s not quite as glamorous as it seems… For a more “official” definition, try this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy. Here are some of my favorite excerpts from Wiki, with my commentary in italics:

“These attacks are triggered by strong emotions such as exhilaration, anger, fear, surprise, orgasm, awe, embarrassment, and laughter.” (my doctors keep asking what emotion I have that triggers my cataplectic attacks. I have no idea. But I’m pretty sure it’s not orgasm, since I rarely have sex standing up. As far as I can tell, my attacks occur when I am stressed, anxious and in a hurry. And no, that still doesn’t point to the orgasm trigger.)

“When cataplexy happens often, or cataplexy attacks make patients fall or drop things, it can have serious effects on normal activities.” (Trust me, it can have serious effects on odd activities too.)

“It can cause accidents and be embarrassing when it happens at work or with friends. For example, narcoleptics may not pick up babies because they are afraid they may drop them.”(There goes my career as a pediatric nurse. If I don’t want to hold your baby, it’s more likely to be because he needs a diaper change.)

“Cataplexy in severe cases can cause vital signs to be hard to detect without a continuous auditory pulse oximeter. As an anecdotal example, one Allison Burchell, a sufferer of severe Cataplexy, has been pronounced dead three times.”(My last blood pressure reading was 98/62, which is normal for me. I usually hover around 100/50. By the way, being pronounced dead 3 times is one heck of a cruel anecdote!)

“A person’s efforts to stave off cataplectic attacks by avoiding these emotions may greatly diminish their lives, and they may become severely restricted emotionally if diagnosis and treatment is not begun as soon as possible.” (I’m Irish-Italian, “emotional restriction” is not in my genes.)

Anyway, back to the drug store… I woke up with the mother of all head colds on Thanksgiving Day. Because of the meds I take for narcolepsy, I have to be careful about any OTC medications I take, especially if they cause drowsiness. So I head to Walgreen’s (thank you for being open on a holiday) to get the one remedy that always works for me – Mucinex DM. Now, this isn’t the same as plain Mucinex, or Mucinex D. And now I know why.

The ingredient that makes Mucinex DM work for me is apparently something highly coveted by meth lab owners. As I reached for my much-needed remedy, instead of a box, I found a card that I was supposed to take to the Pharmacy. Which was closed for the holiday (I rescind my thank you.)

After wishing the store clerk “Happy Thanksgiving anyway,” I proceeded to CVS. A good bet since they have a neon sign that says “Open 24 Hours.” I was so upset by that point, and anxious to find out if I was again to be rejected, that as soon as I got out of my car and started toward the drugstore door, Cataplexy reared its ugly head, and BAM, down I went.

The really frustrating part of having Cataplexy isn’t so much the falling, although that has accounted for a broken toe, dislocating pins and plates from recent bunion surgery, and a broken wrist. The real pain is having to deal with frightened onlookers. And wouldn’t you know – this particular fall was witnessed by a mother and daughter. As I lay there momentarily paralyzed, the mother directed the daughter to “go get help – tell them to call 911!” Fortunately, I am able to talk during these attacks, so I was able to stop the rescue call, mumbling something about “I fall all the time” and “it’s much worse to watch than experience” and “don’t worry, it’s sort of like epilepsy.”

I’m sure the mother-daughter duo thought that I was falling-down drunk. There’s embarrassment!

I picked myself off, brushed myself off, and did notice my left knee a little touchy. (I now sport a great knee-cap bruise.) But inside I went. Once again, I found the Mucinex DM slot in the cold remedy aisle occupied by little cards. But this time, the pharmacy was OPEN! Yeah CVS.

Despite my runny nose, watering eyes and a few well-timed sneezes, I was asked to show my driver’s license and sign several papers promising that I was using the medication for legal purposes.

I wished the pharmacist a Very Happy Thanksgiving.

Why I love Jason Mraz

Ok, there are lots of reasons for my Mraz-Obsession. But you gotta love a guy who writes about sleeping all day. I haven’t taken the time to read this for the intrinsic meaning yet. I just love the concept.

Sleep All Day
by Jason Mraz

His after moan though cries oh no
He’s building up a shine but he take it slow
And he knows it time to make a change here
And time to get away
And he knows it’s time for all the wrong reasons
And time to end the pain

But he sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all,
we sleep all day over again Why don’t we?

She said what would your mother think
and how would your father react
oh lord Would he take it all back what they’ve done
No way he said take it, take it
and don’t break it with your own two hands
That was my old man
and he said if all is grounded
you should go make a mountain out of it

oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
going nowhere but for us,
nowhere but for the two of us
and we knew it was time to take a chance here
and time to compromise our lives for awhile
and it was time for all the wrong reasons
but time is often on my side and I give it to you tonight

and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all,
we sleep all day over again

as time goes by we get a little bit tired
waking and baked another Marlboro mile wide
it’s sending the boys on the run
in the time in hot summer sun
to swim beneath or over outside
as they’re reading between the lines
then they remember the part in the hallmark card
where they read about the dreams and reaching for the stars
to hold on a little bit closer to
and they knew it was time, time to take a chance here
time to compromise our little lives for just a little while
and they knew it was time for all the wrong reasons
as time is often on my side
and I give it to you, oh boy

and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all,
we sleep all day over again

She said what would your mother think
and how would your father react
oh lord Would he take it all back what they’ve done
No way he said take it, take it
and don’t break it with your own two hands

That was my old man and he said
if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

Kat’s newest project

Narc, the sleeping cat.

Entrepreneur that I am, I’m starting a new venture. I’m calling it NAP – the Narcolepsy Awareness Program. I am taking it upon myself to educate the masses about narcolepsy and the people who have it.

We are going have support groups, the most important of which will be for relatives of people with narcolepsy. It will be called NAPKINS.

And for those who are in denial, we will offer support through SNAP (Narcolepsy is So Not a Problem.) To help them understand and deal with their disorder, we will take them through the 12-Nap program.

Our mascot will be Narc, the sleeping cat. Narc will be our national spokescat, as well as ambassador to all those people who are annoyingly awake, are “morning people,” or those who have had too much botox around the eyes.

Donate to NAP, and you will receive a special NAP Snuggy and a good book filled with pictures of Narc and his friends.

Dare me?

And the winner of the Nappy goes to:

In response to my Facebook challenge to supply a punchline, I got this response from an old friend from my college days. It’s the winner:

 

Q: How many narcoleptics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And not to be outdone by anyone but himself, he also sent me this charming bit if banter:

“Narcolepsy? You sleep with dead people? [sorry ... was going to go with the Barcolepsy joke -- cuz I always fall asleep as soon as I hit a lounge chair -- but my juvenile side took over.]“

LMOA… (Laughing My Apnea Off)

I didn’t get a lot of other “How many does it take” responses, but I did receive some oddly humorous comments. Here are my favorites:

- Since your name is Kat, does that mean you take Katnaps?

- One small nap for cat, one giant fall for cataplexy

- The apathetic narcoleptic’s motto: Don’t Participate, Hibernate!

- Narcoleptics do it in thzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

- Narcolepsy is not a joke. It’s a serious medical cond…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Since Cataplexy attacks are often triggers by laughter, this entire post is just SO WRONG!!!!*

* I did find several website with rants about the inhumanity of making jokes about narcolepsy. Come on folks, if I couldn’t laugh about it, I’d cry!!!!!

Do any of these people know Kevin Bacon

“I’ve never met anyone with Narcolepsy.”

In case you are one of these unfortunates, here is a list of famous people with narcolepsy:

• Jimmy Kimmel
• Natassia Kinski
• Harriet Tubman
• Kurt Cobain
• Sir Winston Churchill
• Isaiah Washington

The Giggle Factor

“So what is narcolepsy?”

“Does this mean you’re going to fall asleep in the middle of dinner?”

“Do you sleep all the time?”

I’ve read that sleep disorders are one of the most under-diagnosed, misunderstood disorders.  Despite the fact that a famous actor is the National Narcolepsy Spokesperson… I can’t remember his name… he was on Grey’s Anatomy and played Yang’s boyfriend… attractive African-American guy… darn this brain fog… (A list of amusing symptoms will be the topic of the next blog entry.)

Anyway, aside from the lack of knowledge around narcolepsy, I had an attorney once tell me that is has the “giggle factor.”  It’s a funny disorder.  Really? Just like law is an unsavory profession? (just kidding!!! just trying to make a point!)

I have tried to explain Narcolepsy, and the Cataplexy that often accompanies it with varying degrees of success since I was diagnosed. Here’s the best definition I have found, with my dumbed down interpretations in parentheses:

Narcolepsy is a neurological disorder (your brain is a not happy) where your brain in unable to regulate sleep-wake cycles normally.  The main features of narcolepsy are excessive daytime sleepiness (I just wanna take a nap. Again.) with sudden sleep attacks (I think that we should …zzzzzz), insomnia (why can’t I sleep when I’m so tired?), dream-like hallucinations (omg, there was a giant tomato trying to eat my toe, really there was!!) and a condition called sleep paralysis (I should probably get up… what’s that noise…oh yeah, the alarm… I can’t seem to get my arm to move to hit the snooze button).

Narcolepsy also causes impaired vision (you won’t see me driving much at night), and sudden muscle weakness (no, I’m really not a clutz. I just can’t see it and when I do, I fall over it anyway.) Along with narcolepsy is cataplexy, in which strong emotions such as anger, surprise, or laughter can trigger loss of muscle strength or lead to collapse (I call this the “spaghetti legs effect”.)

Are you bored yet?  Then go take a nap…

Narcolepsy is a “state boundary” control abnormality (no, it does not involve illegal aliens invading your head.) Narcolepsy patients sleep a normal amount, but cannot control the timing of their sleep.

Sleep happens in cycles. Light sleep, followed by increasingly deeper stages. After 90 minutes, ”normal” people enter REM, where we dream. Then we alternate between REM and non-REM sleep all night. (Think of it as a dance.) For people with narcolepsy, REM comes almost immediately (my record ”drop off time” during my last sleep study was 9.5 seconds). And, fragments of REM occur involuntarily during the day (uh, yeah, I was paying attention, what did you say…) During REM sleep, our muscles are paralyzed so we don’t act out our dreams. Because of this REM/Non-REM dance, waking suddenly in the middle of a good REM dream causes night terrors and hallucinations, especially if the dream was rather unpleasant. Y’all have bad dreams, but you don’t always remember them if you sleep through them. (I’ve also had some interesting sleep-walking, sleep-eating, and sleep-emailing experiences when I have appeared to be awake but was not. )

Here’s the part that I don’t think is so funny: “Studies show that narcoleptic patients are more accident-prone (ask me how I broke both feet within 4 months…), and have difficulty with interpersonal relationships (really, I do pay attention to what you zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)

Are you giggling yet?